Truthfully

I love my children, but I don't always love being a mother. There, I said it. My kids are great-they are funny, loving, and exciting, but they are also exhausting, needy and at times, very disobedient. While the vision of the mother that I want to be floats around in my head, in actuality, I am very different than this vision. I am selfish, cranky, tired, and frankly, at times angry. I respond quickly with frustration more times than not, rather than give the kids the grace and mercy that they deserve. The grace and mercy that God gives to me.

I crave alone time, and will try to fight for it, when really I should be spending time with the kids. As they see me trying to escape, it causes them to act out, which makes me want to escape even more. A vicious cycle. A cycle that I can break. It is time for me to focus more on my children, and less on my desires. There will come a time that I won't be so busy--there will be a time that I can do more of the things that I want. That time isn't here though, and I don't want to waste my present, dreaming about the future.

I will miss my children when they are grown. I already feel like time is flying by. I can't believe Gage is 3 1/2, Aslyn is over 9 months and Sahara is 10, with Aidan turning 9 in less than two weeks. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was pregnant with Gage, and didn't know what being a full-time Mom was going to be like.

Yes, there have been stresses in my life, which probably contribute to some of the feelings that I have, but that is no excuse for the way I have been acting. It is my responsibilty, as a wife, mother and step-mother, to provide a home that is welcoming and peaceful. A home that is organized and fun. A home that builds my children up.

My goal, for 2013, is to slow down, use my time more wisely, get my health in gear. By doing this, I think that I can work towards being the Mom that I want to be. The Mom that protects my child's heart, rather than being the one that at times probably breaks it.

I love my children, and it is my goal for them to always see my love for them.

Menu Plan Monday...but in this case Tuesday

Last week, although I planned out my meals, I think that I made something different each night then I thought I would. I am having some trouble getting in to the hang of making a plan and sticking to it. Nonetheless, here is the plan for this week.

Monday-Steak and stir fry with rice
Tuesday- Hamburger, egg noodle casserole
Wednesday-Eat Out
Thursday- Salmon cakes
Friday- Pizza
Saturday- Shrimp Stirfry
Sunday- Pork chops, potatoes, carrots

I have had no inspiration to cook for months now. Well really probably close to a year now-ever since I was pregnant with Aslyn. I'm hoping that I will get over this, and actually start to enjoy cooking again.

The Weight Thing

I don't find losing weight easy. I don't mind working out, but I do mind watching what I eat. I love food, especially food that is flavourful, and when I am fatigued, which is so strong now that I've had Aslyn, I use food to help fuel me up. Yet, I want to get into all my pretty clothes that I haven't been able to wear for the last few months, so I've been working out a lot and trying to follow Weight Watchers. I signed up to do Weight Watchers online, thinking that if I spent the money I'd actually do it, but things have been so busy, that I can't say I've been that great at tracking points. Since I started, I've lost six pounds, but that still leaves nineteen pounds to lose to get to where I was before I got pregnant with Aslyn. Then, because I'm crazy, and I want to be in the best shape of my life, I want to lose another thirty-five pounds on top of that. If you are counting, that means I want to lose fifty-four more pounds.

Right now that feels very daunting.

I am going to add some accountability to myself, and start posting weekly on my progress, with the hope that it will give me some incentive to keep plugging away at it.

On the plus side- my face has thinned out; I'm building muscle, and my cardio has improved greatly!

Menu Plan Monday

I've decided that with the craziness that each day brings, I really need to be more careful and diligent in planning for supper. Lately, I have either not cooked at all, or dinner was ready well after Gage went to bed for the night. So I'm going to join the masses, and start posting a menu plan each Monday. They say it takes weeks to make something a habit, so hopefully within a couple of months, I'll be used to menu planning and will actually make what I planned.

Monday- Pork stir fry wraps
Tuesday: Spaghetti squash and pasta sauce
Wednesday:Roast, potatoes, carrots
Thursday: Leftovers/Fend for yourself (FFY)
Friday: Homemade pizza
Saturday: Greek Shepherd's pie
Sunday: Trout

Here's to less stressful mealtimes!

Well...it's been a while. So long in fact that I have a new little one to complain chat about now. Aslyn Nevaeh made her overdue entrance on April 27th and has been a bright spot in our life ever since. Although she is still little, she has a strong personality, and loves to be with her family.

We are just starting to get in a better rhythm, and I'm hoping that we will get lots of fun times in this summer. Starting with today, when we go to see the Canada Day parade in a little bit. Gage is quite excited--especially because now it is July, and he knows his birthday is coming up very soon.

I feel like we need to update our summer bucket list from last year. A lot of things did not get done, as I ended up working most of the summer, so there will be some repeats for this year, plus a few more.

Although I might not always express it, life is good, and I wouldn't trade my little trouble makers for anything.

Summer Bucket List

I've decided that I need a plan for the summer and in to the fall. I like lists, I like plans, and I like having a purpose. Here are some of the things that I want to do, and I hope to add to it as I think of new things.

1. Make summer journal.
2. Go on boat.
3. Have a picnic.
4. Hike the fury path.
5. Hike the Liscombe Lodge path
6. Hike around the cape.
7. Write a children's book.
8. Go to Magic Valley.
9. Go to Hopewell rocks.
10. Run a 10K.
11. Blog at least 1x/week.
12. Start 365 picture project.
13. Teach Gage colour recognition.
14. Starting practicing piano and guitar 2x/week.
15. Take kids to the beach.
16. Write a lesson plan each week.
17. Make teaching portfolio better.
18. Make business cards for teaching.
19. Cut hair.
20. Have yardsale.
21. Go see Jocelyn.
22. Go to Moncton to MacArthur weekend.
23. Finish organizing/purging house.
24. Start sewing again.
25. Make curtains for bedrooms.
26. Read 5 books to Gage everyday.
27. Set up library for Sahara and Aidan, and get them reading everyday.
28. Start weekly art projects.
29. Complete sensory kit for Gage.
30. Start family history project.
31. Get pictures developed and put around house.
32. Go to Saltscapes restaurant.
33. Go to Victoria park.
34. Hike Fairmont.
35. Go to Cafe Italia.
36. Eat vegetarian 1 day/week.
37. Start Bible in 90 days.
38. Drink at least 8 glasses water/day.
39. Time drive to East Antigonish Education Centre.
40. Time drive to Tamarac.
41. Time drive to Chedabucto Education Centre.

We'll see how it goes!

*Update- It's August 12th, and many things still need to be crossed off my list, but at least I have started some of them!

Back from my funk

So I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Well, to be perfectly honest, pretty much all winter, and especially the last couple of months. For various reasons I have felt pretty numb and during this time I haven't had the strong desire to write anything on here.

I'm starting to slowly come out of it though, and that makes me want to connect again, and voice my opinions again. So hopefully I'll be more motivated to keep up this blog and use it to share what I love, and connect with other people who love some of the same things that I do.

One thing I do love right now is my "new-to-me" jogging stroller. It's great and Gage loves going in it. I do admit that it is a little bit harder jogging with that than just with my own body weight, but hopefully that will help me become a better runner. And...if we could stop having all this rain I would be able to go out more.

Running gives me a time to clear my head and a good time to pray. It also gets Gage out of the house. All in all-a total winner.